#12 Valentine’s Day, Intra Mural D-Day and Sammy Ameobi

This week, The Courier’s exclusive undercover columnist proves how to have the perfect Valentine’s day, texting the parents, and an concerning love for Aspers.

Intra Mural managers and players alike were thanking the Gregorian calendar for throwing up Valentine’s Day on a Monday this year, and in doing so avoiding potential heartbreak for girlfriend’s who inevitably would have been cast aside should the much-maligned ‘holiday’ have fallen on a Saturday or Wednesday.

The weather has disrupted fixtures over the last couple of weeks, and having not been in contact with many of the players during that period, it has been difficult to reiterate the perilous nature of our position as we teeter on the brink of relegation.

Even the manager, normally so reliable when it comes to anything to do with football, has often been dragged away from discussions on how to approach our remaining two games by trips to his recently-acquired girlfriend’s, or untimely Skype conversations with his mum…

In all fairness, hats off to Julie, my mum doesn’t even know how to text properly. At New Years she sent me the following; ‘Happy New Year Mum and Dad x’, so I just copy and pasted it back to her.

Sadly, the team hasn’t had the opportunity for any team-bonding sessions during the enforced two weeks off. There’s been no singing, wearing bin-liners, or getting inappropriately drunk like there was before Christmas. Earlier in the season we were inseparable, especially following our [only] two wins of the season. Yet now, when we need each other most, the only time we see one another is on matchdays.

Some players have resorted to darker activities to fill the void left by the lack of playing time. One player declared his undying love for Aspers in a recent Facebook status, while another has been wooing members of the opposite sex (and Sammy Ameobi) in some of Newcastle’s most notorious nightclubs.

The weather has turned now, and it will be surprising if any of the remaining games are called off from here until Easter. The gambling and the philandering need to stop. They can both wait. At least until we’ve guaranteed the club’s survival for another year.

So far, our club’s existence has been riddled by a struggle to match our potential. It is about time we started to write a new history.