Rant of the Week: Waitrahs

When one decides to live in Jesmond, one knows that there is only one place to do the grocery shopping, and that place is Waitrose. Ideally located at the top of Osborne Road, next to Jules’ and and Boilerhouse to get one’s Saturday jobs done in one trip. As soon as I started looking around houses for my second year, I was set on ensuring my basic living standards. This meant double glazing, an en suite and of course, a Waitrose within 100m of my front door.

 

“If you are stupid enough to leave it too late and are forced to venture across to the fiery gates of Tesco, you’ll be greeted by some unfriendly faces and some very unfriendly offers on stale bread rolls”

When people ask, “Harry, Tesco is next door and is so much cheaper, why do you still shop at Waitrose?”. I simply reply with “Quality”. In Waitrose, I know I can always trust that they’ll have quinoa, avocadoes and smoked salmon. Whereas in Tesco, you’re as certain as ol’ Desmond from Northumbria becoming the next Prime Minister as you are to picking up all three of these. If you are stupid enough to leave it too late and are forced to venture across to the fiery gates of Tesco, you’ll be greeted by some unfriendly faces and some very unfriendly offers on stale bread rolls. Progressing quickly on, you’ll be forced to squeeze your way through the tight sweaty aisles, which are somewhat reminiscent the hustle and bustle of your classic Indian slum.

 

Tesco simply does not have the legs to stand on when it comes to the quality that Waitrose has to offer. The on site bakery in Waitrose means I can get my Pain au chocolat with my complimentary coffee on the way to lectures in the morning and I’m guaranteed a good start to my day. What can Tesco offer me, a drinkable yoghurt and a dry cereal bar? I know which I’d rather consume on the arduous walk to university.

 

“If you’re lucky enough to make it in time, you might be able to even pick up a cheap frozen pheasant and a goose egg in the reduced section to have for your dinner”

Following on from the ordeal of the sub-par breakfast offerings, you may decide to buy a sandwich from Tesco. Upon heading to the sandwich section, you’re usually presented with a poor display of your average dry chicken and bacon sandwich on brown, or if you’re weird you might go for tuna and cucumber on white. Plain, tasteless and unappetising I hear you say? Yes, you’d be correct. Cross the road however and you’re greeted with the norm for a lunch in 2016. Smoked salmon and cream cheese, brie and grape or maybe even a feta salad if you’ve been having too many ready meals (Waitrose, of course). Don’t do it to yourself, walk the extra twenty metres and have your cravings and taste buds satisfied instead of punished. You’ll only have yourself to blame.

 

If you’re lucky enough to make it in time, you might be able to even pick up a cheap frozen pheasant and a goose egg in the reduced section to have for your dinner. If not, there’s pretty much always some edible flowers left over to garnish your buckwheat with.

 

Everyone deserves quality food. Everyone deserves Waitrose.

1 Comment on "Rant of the Week: Waitrahs"

  1. Its “avocados” love.

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