Unwritten rules of Newcastle

You’ve been here a while now, at least 4 or 5 months, some of us far longer. By now, you’ve got round to adapting to the culture that you’ve got yourselves into, or like me, have been born and raised on it, so it’s no different. Here, I’ll just go through a nice little list of unwritten rules that we’ve all unknowingly followed – or live by willingly. As a local, I think I’ve got the know-how regarding this.

 

Whilst you’re in the library, you’ll end up getting hungry, or might fancy a drink. If you’re not of my ilk and tend to avoid alcohol mid-study, you might turn your eyes to the library cafés – don’t. Whilst the café areas in the libraries are nice enough, especially if you’re just after something quick, you just tend to avoid it. You’ve got about fifty-thousand Greggs’ bakeries across town, as well as the mythical Eat4Less. Whilst I always wonder what’s really in those sandwiches, if you want value for money, and you’re a uni student so you definitely want value for money, you go to Greggs. Which, to be fair, is a rule in itself – if in doubt, there’ll always be a Greggs’ or McDonalds within walking distance of wherever you live in Newcastle. It’s just how the North functions – you’ll quickly get used to it, and probably thrive in it – you’ll need the fast food. Speaking of which, post-night out or post-house party, you will always get some form of takeaway. ALWAYS. Whether you persuade yourself before you start on the drink that you won’t, you’ll end up in McDonalds, Munchies, ordering a Dominos… the possibilities are endless, and you will go for one of them, because you have no self-restraint when it comes to this.

 

“if in doubt, there’ll always be a Greggs’ or McDonalds within walking distance of wherever you live in Newcastle. It’s just how the North functions – you’ll quickly get used to it, and probably thrive in it – you’ll need the fast food”

There are, well, certain bars that you really shouldn’t stay in much later than 11 or midnight. Ever been in Swingers past midnight? Don’t. The Mushroom? Leave by 10:30. Seriously, kids. Go to Digital or something instead. Don’t waste your precious time. Mind you, there are other bars that, if you really end up in, your liver has a deathwish or you have absolutely no shame. The instant you walk into Sinners, you don’t have dignity or standards, nor does anyone else in the room. So please, leave all sense of moral standing at the door, and pick it up at sometime tomorrow morning, with whatever clothes you throw on with that lovely hungover look on your face.

 

“the instant you walk into Sinners, you don’t have dignity or standards, nor does anyone else in the room”

Gotham is a close second to this – you’re allowed to take your dignity in, but you’d best hand it over at the bar before you get whatever lethal concoction you decide to grab. On that note, wherever you are in Newcastle, if there’s a deal on trebles, you take that deal on trebles. I’m sorry, did I hear someone asking for a can of Red Stripe when there’s the option of three trebs for a fiver? I’m sorry, I must have heard that person wrong. 5 quid for 9 shots of spirits (Rum being my personal poison), you’d be committing a sin against your Northern university’s roots by refusing this delightful offer of possibly ruining your liver in one night. And you’re in the North, you don’t think you’d come back without testing your stomach, liver and wallet/purse to their absolute limits?

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