Death of Deliciously Ella

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This article contains sensitive content that some students may find disturbing

It is so very, very easy to hate ‘Deliciously Ella’. While others fill their doldrum lives making bounce balls out of hemp and angel tears I sit with a loaf of bread dipping it in anything runnier than bread chuckling at the foolish wealthy so easily taken in by the new fad, allowing the small concession that at least with clean eating it’s largely women rather than men who are capitalising of other women’s insecurity.

All that was mostly bullshit.

Despite confident feminist rhetoric and eyes wide open to the patriarchy’s lies with a jabbing index finger exposing it, I too sacrificed myself at the altar of clean eating. All the while claiming to sit around eating bread. Because oh wait yeah lol it was an eating disorder, which are all about lying to others and yourself.

‘If eating disorders are unhealthy and eating unhealthily is unhealthy then surely eating healthily can’t be an eating disorder or unhealthy’ she mutters, darkly, tucking into her pre-cardio fifth bowl of peas under a blanket, aware that her mother, if she saw how she was eating, would put a stop to it with the mad misconception that this was a diet. She farts poison but only because her body is ridding itself of her bad old life to make room for her glorious new superfoods or their economic equivalents (carrots and peas).

“Despite confident feminist rhetoric and eyes wide open to the patriarchy’s lies with a jabbing index finger exposing it, I too sacrificed myself at the altar of clean eating”

The whole sacrifice image earlier, not really a joke. A quick overview of the effects of my ‘clean-eating’ includes bloated stomach, horrendous farts, hair all over your body, slightly yellow skin, fragile nails and hair, a lack of sweat but a strong smell and no periods. Far from the vision of health presented by clean eating gurus. Oh except yeah, you will lose weight. But these clean eating gals aren’t about weight loss, and I’m a super good body-positive feminist so that must have been an accident!

A spiral (no, not a spiraliser) from clean eating to eating disorder is easy for a depressive with chronic low self-esteem. My absorption of ‘clean eating’ culture was due to my mental health but the lie that there is no problem is made that bit easier when the world of social media is perpetrating that lie, reinforcing the notion that food restriction is not a diet but health. Note that a new diagnosis ‘Orthorexia’ has developed for obsessive healthy eating.

“A spiral (no, not a spiraliser_ from clean eating to eating disorder is easy for a depressive with chronic low self-esteem”

When I read about Ella Mills I am slightly more inclined to pity. She was ill and changing her diet made her better. She created a business out of health and beauty, definitely not the first to do so. Her Instagram and recipe book do seem to suggest she eats carbs, even if only brown rice and quinoa. This also suggests that the idea of how we all eat is not as binary as it is presented, it is not merely a case of peas and beansprouts and 10k runs vs big macs and big macs and sit down not ups. But for me it’s so much easier, and possibly so much better simply to hate her and hate ‘clean eating’, re-program entirely, damning it all a fad, and maybe someday finding some sort of middle ground. Hopefully one where I can consume food without it consuming me. I guess a gal can dream.

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