Love is in the treb

bluew

You may be asking yourself during these trying and turbulent times whether there’s any happiness left in the world. American affairs, shatteringly hateful and depressing as they are, seem to be glaring down upon us with lidless intensity. And if what is happening over there isn’t bad enough, even in our very own country we are holding our eyes on the sky to see if our futures will drop like meteorites now that Brexit has slammed the shutters overhead. But, wait, what is that I smell? The scent of roses? And is that a pulsating heart, thumping with uncontrollable love? Wuhay, Valentines day is here!

“As appetising as their kebab baguettes may be, and as thick and bulky as their slices of Bruce-Bogtrotter-like cake are, the seating is simply not conducive to the romantic airs.”

Highest among all the duties for the taken on Valentines day is the organisation of the meal. And I simply would not be being truthful to myself if I did not tell you of the best options available. Firstly, in order to dismiss what you are already thinking, do not resort to eat4less. As appetising as their kebab baguettes may be, and as thick and bulky as their slices of Bruce-Bogtrotter-like cake are, the seating is simply not conducive to the romantic airs. The wide seating on the tables may be nice if you’re there with your friends, but with one other person it makes me feel very lonely, and you might have some giant sweaty bloke sit down next to you eating loads of mayonnaise, like I did the other day.  No, the best place to go to, the place which will show the deepest thoughtfulness for your partner, is just around the corner – munchies. Let us pause for a second. Would you not be impressed if, going for a meal, your date expressed detailed and intimate knowledge of the local culinary world, articulating effortlessly to the waiter a meal which would satisfy the round variety of tastes which we, as humans, are blessed with? Well if you would, go and ask for a kebab sandwich and like I did you’ll get a really nice thumbs up which will make you feel warm inside, sort of like heartburn, but not because it comes from a good place. Take some Gaviscon just in case.

“Would you not be impressed if, going for a meal, your date expressed detailed and intimate knowledge of the local culinary world, articulating effortlessly to the waiter a meal which would satisfy the round variety of tastes which we, as humans, are blessed with?”

After you’ve taken the love of your life away from this pit of loveliness, you’ll want to spend the remainder of the evening in a place which tends to an atmosphere of mutual completion and wholeness. I recommend nowhere more suited to this than Soho. Nothing moisturises the lip and tongue more than a blue treb, and the slow rhythms of the thick crowd as it sways back and forth, back and forth, will massage your bodies together in perfect romantic unity. This is, however, only for some. If your partner wishes for a place more intimate and personal, a quick walk to mono will provide both the quiet and tranquillity which is desired.The preparations for Valentines day can be troublesome and stressful, but hopefully I have given some help as how to go forward, and maybe in future you can help those in stress too.

Be the first to comment on "Love is in the treb"

Leave a comment