7 stages of your hair-mare

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Some days regardless of whether we prepped, primed, shampooed, conditioned then carefully blow-dried and styled our hair the night before, when morning comes the image we find reflected in the mirror is more beast than beauty. You’d be lying if you said it had never happened to you- so here are the 7 stages of hair goal grief to help you understand your trauma and overcome any lasting damage.

The first stage is shock, the initial paralysis, as you stand frozen in front of the mirror, mouth agape and eyes wide. Who is that?

Then the denial rolls on. How can this have happened to you? You spend adequate time and money on those beautiful tresses; you are the last person who deserves this kind of setback in the morning. It can’t be true, maybe if you tie it up and get on with choosing today’s lipstick colour. Maybe by the time you’ve reached that pinnacle decision all hair troubles will be solved.

10 minutes later and you’re still looking less groomed than a wild raccoon; anger boils in your veins a deeper red than the Rouge Coco 446 ETIENNE you picked out. The beauty blender becomes your new stress ball as you try to resist pulling out every obedient hair on your head and smashing the mirror with a hefty Too Faced Palette.

After the red haze clears you try bargaining. If I promise that I will go without NYX products for the rest of my life and a day, will my fairy godmother appear magically from thin air and grant me my one wish- hair like a princess! No? I can live without my real techniques brushes too… what about my Tangle Teezer… my LUSH Dream cream…?

As it becomes ever clearer that my wish will not be granted no matter how many of my true loves I promise to abstain from, a swirling depression ascends. I guess even if my hair did look good there’s still the spot on my nose and the dark circles that even the least watery foundation couldn’t conceal. It seems I am destined to a life of ugliness, maybe I should just put on a balaclava and make everyone’s life easier.

Two coffees and a bowl of porridge later and my resistance returns. Thus begins the testing- my mind starts forming realistic solutions. If I take 5 minutes of my daily morning yoga workout and another 5 out of choosing today’s outfit I have 20 minutes to brush, tame and style my hair. Or take an extra 5 minutes to put the culprit up into a bun and spray away those pesky flyaways. Decisions, decisions.

Half an hour later I leave the house with bouncing wave and an equally up beat mood. Taking the last empty seat- at the front obviously- on fleek and only 5 minutes late, no one would ever know!

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