Perhaps the output of the fashion industry last year was understandably affected by the 365-day catastrophe that was 2016… Maybe, blinded by the shit show that was Brexit and the election of Donald Trump as US President, the bizarre trends they chose to bring to the forefront of fashion culture were chosen accidentally. Whatever the cause, one thing is for sure; these strangely catchy but definitely dreadful stains upon the history of fashion need to be eliminated this 2017.
So let’s turn over a new leaf and start with a speedy farewell to all the unicorn-spattered merchandise out there with no real value. Leave it to the fashion industry to transform a beloved children’s mythical character into a stamp of poor taste. I beg that we finally be rid of hoodies bedazzled (shudder) with unicorn heads, and t-shirts proclaiming that the wearer would ‘rather be a unicorn’. You may not be a unicorn, but you are tacky and annoying, so please stop.
Next on the list, Kanye… oh, Kanye. Thank you for using your mysterious influence upon the world (and your famous relatives) to force upon us new, ridiculous trends. It must be a real thrill to be the proud pusher of the “sock boot”- a shoe so poorly designed that I now see hordes of girls stumbling around, their ankles bizarrely emphasised by the lack of any real structure, constantly pulling the ever-wrinkled upper of the boot to cut off the circulation in their calf. And Mr West’s odd fashion choices don’t stop there. I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry at the latest ‘Yeezy’ inspired fashion fetish: clothing full of holes. Now don’t get me wrong, this has been useful; I never thought I’d see the day when my grim old t-shirts, long retired to the back of my cupboard for emergencies, could be considered ‘high fashion’. It may be tricky to pass off the food stains as intentional, but at least the many holes, tears and frayed edges are now less ‘homeless’ and more ‘haute couture’.
“I beg that we finally be rid of hoodies bedazzled (shudder) with unicorn heads, and t-shirts proclaiming that the wearer would ‘rather be a unicorn’. You may not be a unicorn, but you are tacky and annoying, so please stop’
And finally, onto another trend that has sprung from the ever-omnipotent Kardashian clan. In my opinion, caging one’s feet in clear plastic heels boards on the bizarre, but that didn’t stop this trend from being a hit with the A-list and the public last year. It really does not make sense to me to display to the world your bare feet as they swelter away inside a plastic bag. If the ‘my legs are dripping with condensation’ look is something you strive for then this is an excellent way to achieve it, but if not, let’s agree to bury this perspiring fad and never speak of it again.
Of course, fashion must constantly change and bring forth new, exciting ideas. Surely, however, there are better ones out there than these? I hope and pray that 2017 can provide us with better options than childish motifs, socks-as-shoes, ripped clothing (groundbreaking) and foot-greenhouses. OK 2016- you’ve had your fun, but it’s over now. We’re moving on.