Badminton victory is poetry in motion

Hear ye, hear ye. Gather ye ‘round. A tale of Wednesday’s Badminton, I must expound. Look around! What’s that sound? It wasn’t Liverpool, for half an hour they could not be found.

Instead it was first pairing and best friends, Yap Yixuan and Jeremy Liew. They were bored, knocking up a shuttle for a moment or two. Next came James Ashcroft, and Ganzy Gan too – while Pratyush Pradeep was doing his hair in the loo.

When Liverpool finally arrived, their captain said: “I’m sorry! We got lost, and our bus driver is dead”. I replied, “Never mind my friends, you are here now. We’ll take care of you – let the games go ahead”.

We all shook hands, and the games began. Yap and Jeremy Liew played as hard as they can. They beat Liverpool’s second pairing 21-10, next 21-16 with big smashes – again and again.

Meanwhile in singles James played like a machine, winning his first end 21-15. Likewise Pratyush, and his hair most pristine, won his first end to a solid 17. However, previously complaining his legs were tender, Pratyush then found himself fighting a tough three-ender. He lost his next games to 12 and 14, while James wrapped up his last game 21-13.

Against Liverpool’s first pair were Ganzy and captain Jeremy Revell. We quickly showed them they just weren’t up to our level. Winning our games to just 10 and 11, we swept up their dreams of Badminton cup heaven.

Back on came Yap and Jeremy Liew, cooperating like ATLAS and P-body from Portal 2. They won to 16, but how close could it be? They brought home the second game 25-23!

James now faced Liverpool’s number one singles, whose choice of slimline tracksuit gave us fashion crime tingles. James finished him off, 14 and 18, just as well – the tracksuit would no longer be seen.

Ganzy and Jeremy R wasting no time, stepped up once again, defeating Liverpool’s second pair 21-9. In the next game Ganzy missed a big smash, yelling something obscene (s***), but nevertheless we won 21-13. Last up was Pratyush, hair now more awol, looking to finish the match once and for all. Inspired by the team, he won to 16, sealing the match 21-18.

A 7-1 victory for Newcastle seconds sees them through the cup, for now – but alas, what drama lies yonder? A win next round will see the team into the quarter finals, a chance the seconds won’t squander. But who could we face, but Newcastle firsts! On that note we’ll ponder…

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