The new sponsorship means that the lucky and talented winner will win a prize of £2.500 and the runner up will bag themselves £500.  More importantly however is that this competition provides acts with a vital springboard into the world of comedy. Simon Bird from The Inbetweeners and his Friday Night Dinner co-star Tom Rosenthal; Lloyd Langford from Ask Rhod Gilbert; Joe Lycett from BBC One’s Epic Win and E4‘s Dirty Digest, Radio One’s Tom Deacon and CBBC’s Iain Stirling.

Simon Bird from The Inbetweeners and his Friday Night Dinner co-star Tom Rosenthal; Lloyd Langford from Ask Rhod Gilbert; Joe Lycett from BBC One’s Epic Win and E4‘s Dirty Digest, Radio One’s Tom Deacon and CBBC’s Iain Stirling.

Twelve heats will take place around the country in February and March, followed by semi-finals in May and a grand final at the Edinburgh Fringe in August. Each heat will feature a top circuit compere, and include the chance to include the chance to win some fantastic prizes.

Entrants must be in full-time education and have five to seven minutes of original material. Visit www.chortle.co.uk/student to enter and for the full rules, or follow the competition on Twitter: @studentcomedy or tweet using the hashtag #studentcomedy.

Newcastle’s auditions are taking place this evening at The Bridge Hotel and as it is only £3 to enter, maybe this is time to make a pretty small investment in what could be a big career.

Get ready to down and dirty and experience the ‘mission improve-able’. It is time for Newcastle Comedy Society to show us why they have received nothing but praise for all their performances. Expect a night of fun off-the-cuff humour, and audience interaction, and for those devious ones amongst you sitting at the back won’t save you. There will also be a variety of hilarious imprompty improv games that are sure to have you begging for more.

Come and support Newcastle Comedy Society with their first all-improv show that is taking stand up to a whole new level, these performances laugh in the face of comic danger and intend to make sure you are laughing too.

The show is this Sunday 26^th February, The Trent House Pub, 7:30 for 8 and tickets are a real bargain at only £2.

Just by looking at the album title, you can tell that Newcastle’s very own Beth Jeans Houghton is not trying to be the next Florence Welch. If you were trying to explain her style you may, in passing, use Florence as a comparison but BJH is very much her own product. The fact that she spent a good 2 years writing, recording and perfecting the songs for this album shows that she has more than willing to put in the effort to create an album. And it shows.

With a voice that floats between Laura Marling and Florence Welch she couples that with Neutral Milk Hotel or even Of Montreal-esque weirdness to create something pretty magical. The album paints a picture of cities in the sky and parades of weird but loveable things. It really is an unusual album but it just works. ‘Sweet Tooth Bird’ sets the tone for the rest of the album with triumphant trumpets and ‘Atlas’ is the most prominent example of Beth’s beautifully soaring voice.

The stand out tracks do, however, seem to be the singles that have been kicking around for a while now, particularly ‘Lilliputt’. YTCN is definitely a grower. It’s weirdness can be a bit overbearing at times but, at its short running length and with the amount of variety here, it’s a fantastic album from the North East sweetheart.

Recommended Download: ‘Liliputt’

Shop and Rock is a day long ‘festival’ during Northumbria’s RAG week. This year featured Hyde and Beast, Symphonic Pictures and The Green Hour.

In essence it was really just a vintage fair during the day and a few bands on in the evening. The afternoon is all well and good if you’re looking for oddly patterned jumpers or earrings made out of Barbie shoes, but this is the Music section, and there are more important things to pay attention to than hipster jumble sales.

With my eternal apologies to The Green Hour, I arrived late with only two songs left in their set, which is barely the amount of time required to think ‘hey, their guitarist looks a bit like that guy from primary school…oh wait, they’ve finished’. But they were two very good songs; a little psychedelic, but in a skilled way, rather than the excessive rambling ‘psychedelic’ usually suggests. Next time they will be prioritised higher on than finishing off a chicken korma.

Symphonic Pictures are eye catching, dressed in all white with the barefoot clarinettist taking centre stage, but their music is what really catches the interest. At times they’re danceably upbeat, other times laid back. The vocals vary between boy, girl, both, neither. The jazz touches, the switches in time signatures, the synth and guitar blurring the edges, let’s just call it pop (rather than invent another sub-genre of ‘jazz-shoegaze’). Experimental pop. They’re something promising, wherever they fit on the Venn diagram of musical genres.

Also, special credit to the skinny Noel Gallagher-a-like fan, energetically dancing Northern Soul style right at the front, pulling more people to join him and drawing some enthusiasm from the relatively thin crowd. Pity he started repeatedly unzipping himself by the end of the set, possibly exposing himself to the band and has to be dragged away by his more sober friends.

Hyde and Beast provide the headlining act. Featuring the drummer from the Futureheads and the drummer from the Golden Virgins, they’re basically Sunderland’s supergroup, although this project is a little more mature and bluesy than either of their previous day jobs. The live band includes an extra four people, and they claim they usually have a trumpet player too. They ask the audience if someone can fart at the right time along with the music to replace him. No one volunteers. Instead, they’re a pleasant band – not always the most cheerful, but they do have their upbeat moments (maybe this is where the trumpet player usually steps up). The three guitars create several folky-bluesy levels of haze and the vocals harmonise beautifully, making a very atmospheric close to the show.

It’s a good value day out, with three great local bands (not to mention a nice new jacket, a necklace, and a wallet that fell to pieces before I’d even put all my cards in). Oh well.

If there’s one thing that can launch films to both commercial and cult audiences, it is star power. Most of the most recognisable names in cinema today were once, can you believe, struggling actors and if there’s anything ‘cult’ audiences love more it’s poking fun at the terrible career choices of the rich and amorous. From Jennifer Aniston’s leading role in the terrible Leprechaun to American Pie’s Shannon Elizabeth molestation by a snowman in Jack Frost, these star ‘cameos’ are cult bliss. In many cases they represent a period of life that these now prevalent stars would rather have censored; John Barrowman somehow failed to mentioned his star turn in Shark Attack 3 in his autobiography. I checked. But this genre of misplaced stars finds its triumphant success in none other than Arnold Swarchanegger, the Austrian beefcake himself. The film. Hercules in New York. The cult appeal? The realisation that the walking talking slab of meat inhabiting this film could somehow become one of the most successful film stars on the planet and (if not for a few niggling legislation changes) an American President.

The film, funnily enough, is about Hercules visiting the mortal realm of New York because he has been in Olympus thousands of years and ‘is bored’. After visiting Earth Arnold gets topless a lot, gets in various scuffles, finds true love and gets involved with gangsters, leading to a grand finale of Hercules stealing a chariot grand theft auto style and fighting alongside other strongmen. If ‘The Room’ was an excuse for Tommy Wiseau to sleep with people and get his pecs out, Hercules in New York was meant to be a showcase for Arnold, post – Mr Universe as a potential film star. At the time this didn’t go exactly to plan , with Arnold’s dialogue being dubbed by an American actor, with the Austrian drawl inhabiting rather than facilitating his success. Dialogue aside the film is actually hilarious and despite the annoying presence of Arnie’s sidekick ‘ Pretzie’ (who looks and sounds like a terrible Woody Allen caricature), the film’s set pieces are incredibly bizzare with Arnold fighting bears, tipping over taxis rather than paying the fare and wearing striking turtle necks to ‘blend in’ that do nothing to hide his gargantuan frame. For Arnie fans who are fond of the ‘HUAAAARGHHHH!!!’ there’s plenty and some terrible sound design; where even in mount Olympus you can hear the nascent buzz of nearby traffic.

It may sound like I am nitpicking but this film is terrible on so many levels and would not have been lifted quivering from the bargain box if it were not for the contemporary stardom of Arnold. But it is exactly this point that makes it so endearing.  If anything Arnold may look back at his film having succeeded in sport, entertainment and politics and reflect on how far he has come: an embodiment of the ‘American Dream’ and The late ‘governater himself’. The rest of us prefer him speaking awkwardly in his thick Austrian drawl or repeating his various catchphrases and we wouldn’t have it any other way. Hercules in New York is in various Entertainment Exchanges for no more than a pound. If that isn’t worth a few hours of sheer Arnie gold then shame on you.  A must for Arnie fans and for optimists and fans of Greek mythology it is both fun and educational. See it before Arnie makes his inevitable decade-in-wait return to cinema and relive the ‘striking’ performance that started it all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5FpADrNcNI

Best Actress

The Descendants 

The Descendants is a drama set in Hawaii starring George Clooney as Matt, a troubled father divided between a hectic business deal and reconnecting with his two daughters following the death of their mother. With Clooney nominated for an Oscar and stunning acting from by Shailene Woodley and Amara Miller alongside a beautifully poignant story line, the Best Picture nomination is well-deserved.

Bonnie Stuart                                                                                              

Avoid animated features

If you want a Best Picture, don’t be an animated movie – only three have ever been nominated and Up and Toy Story 3 were pretty much only picked because they were needed to fill out the nomination list which had been increased from 5 nominees to 10. You’ll probably be stuck in the Best Animated Picture category!

Be white, straight and male

If you want Best Director, be a straight, white, male in your 40s – only one woman has ever won Best Director (Kathryn Bigelow) and only one Asian director has won (Ang Lee). As well as this, only four gay or bisexual directors have won and the youngest was Norman Taurog at 32, but that was back in 1931 so it doesn’t really count. A sad fact really.

Imitate, die or be disabled

Best

Speech by Christopher Reeve, 1996

An equestrian accident left him paralysed from the neck down, but that didn’t stop Christopher Reeve from giving a moving speech on Hollywood’s duty to raise awareness of social issues in films. The actor who embodied Superman in the original movies received probably one of the longest standing ovations in Oscar history for his appearance.

Musical intro by Hugh Jackman, 2009

Hollywood blockbusters surely don’t need to be as expensive as they are if you can squeeze them all into one show. After a probably exhausting arts-and-craft session, Hugh Jackman introduced all of 2009’s Best Picture nominees in his opening number whilst taking the mickey out of them (and himself). Guest appearance from the surprisingly strong-voiced Anne Hathaway included.

Roberto Benigni going crazy, 1997

La vita é bella is without a doubt a cinematic masterpiece that perfects the art of combining sorrow and humour like hardly any other film. Roberto Benigni’s reaction to winning Best Foreign Language Film, however, was an expression of pure joy with him climbing over the seats and waving his arms after being announced by the equally enthusiastic Sophia Loren.

Heath Ledger wins posthumous Oscar for Best Supporting Actor, 2009

His unexpected death was one of the saddest incidents in recent film history. Nevertheless, Heath Ledger’s The Joker in The Dark Knight is already considered to be one of the most iconic film portrayals ever. Watching his family accept the Oscar on his behalf was the moment of the night that plucked everyone’s heartstrings.

Kathryn Bigelow: first woman to win ‘Best Director’, 2010 What‘s the best thing that can happen to a woman after divorcing her husband? Being the first woman to win an Oscar for Best Director whilst your ex is nominated in the same category with the most successful film ever. James Cameron got owned, but more importantly, Kathryn Bigelow proved that women can indeed do a great job in responsible, creative roles like directing.

Lisa Berhardt

Worst

Halle Berry’s Speech

Another awful speech, beaten only by Paltrow. Berry was the first African American woman ever to win an Oscar for a leading performance so we can forgive her for the emotions. However, her incessant tears, snot, and bizarre body convulsions were truly shameful to watch.  She can be slightly forgiven for her Razzie speech. But only a little.

Gwyneth Paltrow winning Best Actress for 

Shakespeare in Love

Probably the worst speech of all time, this moment was a travesty for two reasons: 1) The fact that Gwyneth beat the arguably better Cate Blanchett; 2) The fact that Gwyneth couldn’t say a single word of her ridiculously long speech without hysterically crying. Truly dire.

Illustration by Daisy Billows

The Oscars used to be a very special reflection upon the film industry’s achievements of the year. Now Hollywood moguls have slopped so much glamour and polish onto the event that it has become a transparent catwalk of fashion, overly long winded speeches and tacky opening ceremonies. Whether or not it’s your cup of tea, it still marks the pinnacle for cinematic acknowledgement. To win, be nominated or simply be invited to the Oscars is a clear statement of importance within the world of Hollywood and with the statuettes themselves dipped in 24-carat gold, they are an attractive prize in more ways than one.

Billy Crystal will be returning to host the evening for an impressive ninth time after Eddie Murphy backed down. Often known for his comedic reliability, let’s hope Crystal can deliver a better show than last year’s feeble attempt from youthful marketing strategy mules Anne Hathaway and James Franco.This will be the 84th Academy Awards since its humble beginnings when the Academy was nothing more than a handful of stuffy old men.

The very first Oscar ceremony, which took place on May 16 1929, was a very intimate affair with almost zero publicity. Held in the Roosevelt Hotel, tickets cost just five dollars and only 270 people attended the 15-minute formality; this was short lived, as the next year showed a massive boom of interest after the ceremony was broadcast on the radio. Since then, the event has always been publicised, eventually leading to the whirlwind of glitz, celebrities and style coverage we’re now subjected to.

An Oscar is one of the most coveted prizes in the film industry and there have been many significant achievements at the ceremonies in both film and sociological terms. In 1940, Hattie McDonald walked from her segregated section of the Coconut Grove Hotel to collect her Best Supporting Actress award for Gone with the Wind. This marked a crowning achievement in cinema as she was the first African American to receive both a nomination and then to win. And even more recently, until 2010 there had never been a female director who got the nod for best director. But Kathryn Bigelow beat off ex-husband James Cameron to the title by becoming the first female director in history to succeed with war biopic The Hurt Locker.

Originally, the statuettes were referred to as an ‘Academy Award of Merit’, but the name ‘Oscar’ was supposedly adopted when Academy librarian Margaret Herrick stated that the statues resembled her Uncle Oscar. The winners of this year’s Oscars will be revealed on Sunday February 26 at the world-renowned Kodak Theatre. Make sure you tune in and experience glamour, speeches and above all, great cinema.