I can feel a comeback in the air tonight

The return of Phil Collins, it strikes fear into the most battle hardened men and has women and children running for their lives. I’d rather chop my left bollock off than see him walk on stage again, who else is there that makes people feel like this?

Thinking about it there isn’t really many people who evoke such hatred from people. Though, for me, if Coldplay are reading this (barring their Game of Thrones charity shenanigans) then they need to get the message that giving people light up wrist bands is far too 90s hacienda. Easy target yes, but a pertinent example alongside Phil Collins that a band and person have a sell by date and anything past ‘Clocks’ can do one. Let’s be honest though, ‘Coming in the air’ is the one saving grace for everyone’s least favourite PC.

I’d prefer to have another 10 years of the Tory government than let Collins return, and that’s saying something; a thought that makes voters and pigs cower in fear

If you think of people who’ve tried to make a comeback you have to wonder why. Did you know Bob Dylan had a Christmas song? No, I doubt you did because it is an abomination and should never have happened. Much like the idea of Phil Collins’ return. We can all feel it coming in the air tonight and I hope that nobody buys a ticket if he does. Take That for instance have just finished their 3 piece Take That tax back tour, talk about flogging a dead horse, well done Gary, you wrote a few nice songs but really, you’re 40, singing about relighting sexual fires in front of your family is a getting a bit weird now.

Alright, there are some good points about Mr Collins and his back catalogue. For all the Disney lovers he did come out with a cracker of a soundtrack for Tarzan with much maligned love songs such as ‘You’ll Be In My Heart’. Bringing it back away from there though ‘Sussudio’ isn’t even a fucking word, and don’t even mention genesis. ‘Supercalifragilisticexpialidoious’ (or however it’s spelt) is acceptable, it has an explanation. But Su-bloody-sudio, you alright there Phil pal? You had a pint or 9? It sounds like some form of S & M style safe word, and frankly nobody needs or wants to know what Collins gets up to in the bedroom.

I’d rather chop my left bollock off than see him walk on stage again

Now it’s not that you should open your eyes and smell the roses. But if you think Phil Collins return is a good thing, you’ve got to question whether your parents really did love you as a child. Whether it’s because his music’s shit or the fact he’s a complete and utter tosser, the cons far outweigh the pros in this debate and it shan’t be said otherwise. I’d go so far as to say I’d prefer to have another 10 years of the tory government than let Collins return, and that’s saying something; a thought that makes voters and pigs cower in fear. So, before you suggest that it’s a good idea, go and look at yourself in the mirror and question your morals, ideas and childhood.

Nick Joshington

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