Valentine’s Day is upon us once again, and romantics everywhere are planning the perfect date to woo the object of their affections. But if you want something different to the usual wine-ing and dining, why not take a virtual trip to one of these stunning locales instead?
5 – Rapture (Bioshock)
Somewhere… beyond the sea. The Objectivist microcosm of Rapture seen in the Bioshock games is mostly filled with terrifying, drugged-up masquerade murderers and sociopaths alike, but by golly if it isn’t steeped in a certain je ne sais quoi. Watching out the ocean doors at the decaying beauty of a utopia that could’ve been for a few moments is enough to make the heart soar. The human spirit, eh? Makes me wanna just set up a table in the chaos, glass bottle and a rose. Now pour the wine, would you kindly?
4- Ash Lake (Dark Souls)
If we ignore the later From Software games and just focus on the masterpiece that started it all, you can find many locations that, once civilized, could be absolutely gorgeous for a wine and dine. Ash Lake’s agoraphobia-inducing seabed, with the great hollow spires rising to the sky, is like something from an impressionist painting. There’s fresh clams (with legs) an immortal dragon butler (everlasting) and dragon scale slabs to replace nouveau-gastro hipster plating. Oh, the Hydra, darling? Don’t mind him, he’s no bother.
3- Altissia – Final Fantasy XV
With its gorgeous, layered architecture and unfortunate penchant for sea serpents (a theme?), Final Fantasy XV’s Altissia is the perfect place for a romantic gondola ride with 3 of your best friends. After a long day fighting eldritch beasts in the coliseum, relax for a dinner meal with your other half. Hey man, get a caricature drawn. Order some phoenix down cocktails. Just for the love of god, make sure the composer doesn’t play Somnus, or this fettucine is gonna get way saltier than it needs to be.
2 – Meriloft – Broken Age
Floating cloud city? Check. No Darth Vader? Check. Now you can truly relax. Slip on some cloud shoes and bask in the tangerine glow of the sky as you and your partner settle in, looking down on the heathens from your sky restaurant. Best thing about this one besides the gorgeous views and comfortably indoctrinated townsfolk are the great amount of birds. Fork drops off the table? The whoopsy-bird service gets it straight back on the plate for you, sir. Partner suspiciously falls to their doom mid conversation about the benefits of Scientology? No questions.
1 – Temple – Super Smash Bros. Melee
Alright hear me out. By now, you and I should both know I had no idea where this was going when I started writing this, but this one makes sense. I’m thinking we get a nice sturdy wooden table underneath the archway. Keep throwing poke balls till we get the cute ones to be our waiters (Wooper essential). Gorons in the kitchen whipping up that Rock Sirloin. Jigglypuff is singing in between falcon punches to her ribs.
Yoshi is up for the devilled eggs starter with optional mouth-to-plate delivery. Trust me folks, there is nothing more romantic than soft Kirby vore to finish up a dinner meal. What does that mouth do? Let’s find out.