Rant of the Week: For Sale

The house mania has been reverberating around uni for a while now. It began in small vibrations, a worry here and a whisper there. Now, however, it appears to have exploded and eager freshers are already lining the neatly terraced rows of Jesmond and Heaton.  How did this all happen so fast?

In many ways getting a new house is like embarking on a new relationship.

Firstly commitment issues are experienced. This is a big leap, the leap from living in halls to living in suburbia. The questions that are now plaguing everyday life resemble something like this – is it all too early to jump in and commit? It is possible, however, that a failure to commit could lead to single life forever. If everyone else is signed to houses you could just end up the only one without one of these elusive relationships. So should you be picky and choose the true love of your life or simply pick any Tom, Dick or Harry in fear of a life of loneliness?

“It is possible, however, that a failure to commit could lead to single life forever”

When you have finally made that commitment, however, and are situated in this new relationship, the new house meeting indeed feels like a very first date. Whereas before you have been friendly and completely yourself, you are now reduced to awkward laughter. The bond you now share has been taken from a normal friendly level to something more meaningful. But, as with every good relationship, the first meeting is strong. After the date you are all so keen on talking no three day rule is kept, but a house WhatsApp group is automatically created. The relationship in its early stages is sound, fun and happy. We all just hope that a year down the line when the house is actually moved into, the relationship is still in its honeymoon phase.

This is not a secret first date either, after a while it cannot be kept to yourselves – it’s all too exciting. A week ago the house chat was kept in upmost secrecy, now this has changed and houses have become a factor in almost every conversation. This I must say is alienating and distressing to those who are still single; they do not want your relationship rubbed in their lonely faces!

“Possibly in a couple of months everyone will have a relationship status, but currently I think that the singletons want the house chat to fuck off and the PDA’s to lie low”

The classic patronising attitude of those in relationships has also become apparent. ‘Oh you don’t have a house?’ a friend will ask with a shocked tone. Sadly there are some who are not loosers or socially inept, but simply do not fit into a group or just missed out on the whole dating process. So just a word of warning for those in the love bubble, leave your pity at your house and let everyone develop along the journey in their own time.

The housing issue seems like a humming hive, all the bees going out and searching for their nectar.  The dopey bees, however, are left thinking it’s too soon to wake up from hibernation and would really rather go back to bed. Possibly in a couple of months everyone will have a relationship status, but currently I think that the singletons want the house chat to fuck off and the PDA’s to lie low, before being trapped into yet another relationship commitment.

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