Rant of the week: How to spot a 'rah'

In general the common or garden variety of ‘rahs’ do not orignate from Newcastle or even the top half of the country. Rahs originate mainly from the South or London, and at a push if the rahs do stray from the South, Scotland is the place to be. Anything north of London may as well be equivelent to Beyond The Wall on Game of Thrones with all Northern folk therefore being gruff John Snows’ who indeed know nothing. To spot this aspect of the rah, look for those who struggle with the Geordie slang and the ‘arctic conditions’.  In Newcastle the home of the Rah seems to be Castle Leazes halls.

1) The clothes

  The modern rah is less about the sparkle of the signet ring, deck shoes and pearls. No Alice band on neatly curled hair, the look these days is Gap Yah crop tops mixed with ripped jeans and Nike Air Max shoes. The main style appears to be homelessness, as a recent Yik Yak wrote ‘Castle Leazes, where the people who look homeless are the ones with the richest parents’. So look out for ill fitted baggy clothing and definitely styled, but not brushed hair. For the male rah’s spot the travelling piercings, which of course ‘Mummy’ does not approve of, and the backwards cap.

“The look these days is gap yah crop tops mixed with ripped jeans and Nike Air Max shoes. The main style appears to be homelessness”

2) The clique

All rahs flock together to uni together already in a clique, including their school friends, mutual friends and travelling friends (met of course during self-exploration in South East Asia). To make your way in join the rugby or lacrosse teams. Or to find one of these elusive groups head to Castle Leazes and look out for a cluster of small, blonde, smoking girls with two French plaits or lads hanging out with half an eyebrow shaved off.

3) The attitude

  Obviously on the whole rahs are lovely people and do not judge a rah, for simply being a rah! There can be the tendency however for certain cliques to judge others, even of similar rah background, and look down their noses at anyone else not in their group. If this has happened to you, do not worry and do not fret! It is probably not intended to be rude, simply the rah in question is just busy scanning the room, trying to find someone to be seen to be seen with. A way to spot this rah behaviour: two air kisses and the line ‘how lovely to see you darling’, before moving on to the next person they ‘know’.

“On the first night of Freshers a rah exclaimed to me ‘Eugh Greggs what a hole, who goes there?’ which says it all really.”

4) The chat

  It is not only the voice that will set alarm bells ringing and help to single out a rah, listen to the conversation. They either will be discussing nights out, who knows who and how much money Daddy gives you a month. If anyone asks you to say their name on the guest list for a club and try to ply you with a free bottle of vodka, you can be sure that they are probably are a rah. On the first night of Fresher’s a rah exclaimed to me ‘eugh Gregg’s what a hole, who goes in there?’, which says it all really, a comment such as this is sure to help you suss out the obvious.

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