Rant of the week: Slow Walkers

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Why is it, that moment you have an appointment so important that you’ve been sweating about it for weeks, you bump in to the most hated pedestrian found in the world: a slow walker?

Slow walkers come in all shapes and sizes, they can be the fittest and most physically able amongst us, yet they have a preference for walking at the pace of a depressed sloth. They usually prefer a sort of ‘shuffle’ instead of the usual ‘one pace after the other’ routine; the worst type of slow walkers actually stop every so often to tie up a shoelace or simply point at stare at something vacuously in the distance.

These slow walkers are never aware of their situation, they seem to have some miraculous pair of rose-coloured glasses that eliminate the entire idea of ‘rushing’ and the need to get somewhere within the same hour of setting off. They appear at the most irritating of times, and are seemingly unaware of the distress that they cause on a daily basis. Such distress, that the fast-walking pedestrian (e.g. Every sane individual), usually spends minutes upon minutes calculating a route to avoid the ‘sloth’. Sometimes this may involve jumping up onto ledges, walking on main roads, or literally sprinting past the walker, risking bumping into passer byers going against the current.

some miraculous pair of rose-coloured glasses that eliminate the entire idea of ‘rushing’ and the need to get somewhere within the same hour of setting off

What I don’t understand, is the reasoning behind such sluggard behaviour; do they get a sadistic thrill out of causing pain for the queue of people who are stuck behind them? Do they feel powerful, able to stop an entire crowd of individuals from getting to their desired destination?

Perhaps they’re hungover, ill or just tired, I hear protesters state. This, I do understand, however I do not appreciate their inability to simply move out the way. If I’m not on top walking form, I am aware of the aggravated crowd behind me, and move to the side to let them pass. I can then walk at my desired pace, and I get a smile from the panicked walkers, so it’s a win-win situation.

Perhaps they’re hungover, ill or just tired, I hear protesters state. This, I do understand, however I do not appreciate their inability to simply move out the way

Apart from these extreme situations, most times I walk from A-B, I aim to get there at the quickest time possible. Why would I want to waste time ambling or even enjoying the scenery when I can instead almost sprint and surpass my PB? Now that, is a non-sadistic thrill that all pedestrians should enjoy.

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