Rowing – The first rule of Rowing team, is ALWAYS talk of rowing team. To be a rower you must be at home in all forms of Lycra- the tighter and shorter the better, in rowers’ opinions. Second rule is, if a meal doesn’t have at least ten pounds of red meat, it must be for those pesky long-distance runners with their slim frames, not for you HENCH lot. Naturally, when one is a rower, one can only associate with other water-borne societies. After all, in the words of Sebastian (of Disney’s Little Mermaid fame) ‘everything’s better, down where it’s wetter’…
Fell Walking – Although many are of the opinion that walking should not involve a raised heart rate, burning thighs or breaking a sweat of any kind, you beg to differ. The saying ‘at one with nature’ is taken to a whole new level, no pun intended. The euphoria one feels when you realised that you’ve still got last night’s Dominoes underneath your bed is nothing in comparison to the call of the lark, and the prospect of the fresh air slapping you silly at the top of some mountain you just casually climbed in your free time. The first rule of Rowing team, is ALWAYS talk of rowing team. Birkenstocks are a practicality as opposed to a fashion statement, and the power of a good fleece cannot be overestimated.
“Walking should not involve a raised heart rate, burning thighs or breaking a sweat of any kind”
20 Minute Society – Blink and you’ll miss them. The 20 minute society are so full of beans that it’s impossible to pin them down. They’re the highly caffeinated type who disappear from halls for a week, to return with a Mediterranean tan, an international stamp in their passport and a story that begins with ‘When I was in Spain last night…’ Nearly impossible to catch out on their ‘chilled days’ in onesies and slippers, if these guys were cartoons, their feet would be a comically drawn blur. If you can trap one for a minute, the tales they could tell would be high-wire feats of daring and, of course, speed. If spontaneity is your game, then this is the society for you.
“They’re the highly caffeinated type who disappear from halls for a week”
DJ Society – The place for those who see predrinks as the prime time to bring a little bump n’ grind to proceedings. Though, much to the dismay of your flatmates, who’ve already heard your Electro/Swing/HipHop combination played on loop for 12 hours straight, In the middle of the day. When other people are TRYING TO GET ON WITH THEIR DAY! Okay, *deep breath*. The classic dance move of a budding DJ is a brooding fist pump, a sideways shuffle, complete with closed eyed admiration. They are often found in clubs shuffling around the decks, offering their mixtape to the DJ in the hope they’ll be the next Blonde or Calvin Harris.
Baking Society – For all those opportunistic people who themselves can’t bake but just know that you could be lifelong friends with those who do, this is the best society to infiltrate. Just rip the price tags off your ALDI bought cupcakes and make polite conversation about types of flour and the appropriate wrist action for whisking eggs, while enjoying the delicacies that your new besties have made. Your Instagram will the scorn of your disgruntled followers who are growing ever weary of yet another arty filter on your ‘homemade’ brownies. Cakes will become substitute to many of the other food types, but at least you can tell your Mum you’re eating, right?