While these videos I’m sure had pure intentions, something went very wrong in the filming and editing process. What we are left with are terrifying and possibly traumatising music video experiences.
- Cyndi Lauper – “Girls Just Want to Have Fun”
Girls want to have a lot of things, but we certainly don’t want whatever she is having. This video is just vaguely traumatising, as in you spend the majority of the video shaking your head, occasionally muttering to yourself wondering just how exactly you ended up watching this and why no one on that production team thought to maybe not make that video. As it is, you’ll watch that video once, realize you never want to have that particular brand of fun and then spend the rest of your life never talking about it ever again. Also, that mullet. Yikes.
- One Direction – “You and I”
I’m sure the intention behind this was a stormy and moody, soul-searching sort of meaningful video to go along with a lovely love ballad. What we got should honestly be considered a crime. Who would’ve thought the melding of beautiful faces was this nightmare-worthy? Needless to say, the boys probably should have shied away from this tactic. And here I thought we all learned the valuable lesson from Frankenstein: that stitching people together and trying to make life out of something that shouldn’t exist just isn’t cute.
- James Blunt – “You’re Beautiful”
Where to even start with this one. I mean unrequited love, laying yourself bare, it’s a tale as old as time and we’ve all heard it. But watching some dude randomly start stripping? Slightly traumatising. Ignoring the general basis of the song – being seeing a beautiful woman on the train with another man and falling madly in love with her – the cold rain, too up-close-and-personal face shots, and then the weird emptying out of the pockets? Yeah, thanks but no thanks. She’ll just stick with the guy you saw her with on that train. At least he kept his clothes on at appropriate times.
- The Darkness – “I Believe in a Thing Called Love”
While I do believe this video was intended to be a campy sci-fi spoof, it ended up being a truly terrifying experience and I was traumatised for years after watching it the first time. Something about the giant purple cuddle towel and the dude’s flower crown ensured that I had trouble sleeping. So while it may not be the conventional stuff of nightmares, it will keep you awake at night (even if it is just in amazement that a video like that exists).
- David Bowie and Mick Jagger – “Dancing in the Street”
Absolutely tragic. Nothing about this video is good. The clothes are horrendous, the dancing is even worse, and the production is abysmal. Is it wrong to expect more from two of the largest icons in music and film in history? No, I don’t think so. You let the whole world down, Bowie and Jagger. And none of us were ever the same after bearing witness to this video.