Weird, wacky & wonderful

So, it’s that time of year again, the sleigh bells are jinglin’, ring ting tinglin’ to, and we’re all about 14 chocolates (or LEGO’s if you have any sense) deep into our advent calendars. You drop your bags in your festive abode and settle in, whilst mum gets the cookies out and you tune your ears in to the cheesy iPlayer TV we all know and love. When all of a sudden, the Queen’s face starts to garble and glitch. Your Dad starts mumbling about Y2K and the reptilian New World Order, and Mum turns to you like a reindeer in the headlights, clicking every button she can and frantically trying to restore peace. You’re the last bastion of technological hope in a world trapped in 240p. The Obi-Wan to her Leia. But even you, the Generation Y tech wizard (you basically know how to use Google) can’t fix this. Without the TV, you think, I might have to actually talk about how Uni is going, and we can’t be having that.

Without the TV, you think, I might have to actually talk about how Uni is going, and we can’t be having that

As the world crashes down around you, and your sole purpose at family gatherings starts to dissipate before your eyes, you notice that the tree is awfully decorative this year, but in fear of sounding like you’ve completely lost it, you say nothing and sit through a speech with so many interruptions, your nan has skipped the small talk about graduate jobs, and she’s already asking you about your progress in finding a future husband or wife. But, you’d be right. Yes, believe it or not, call me worse than Scrooge, but you can blame your mum’s festive cheer for the dodgy Wifi.

You see, we get our holy broadband through the phone line, which converts the data at the router into radio signals. These signals travel through air in straight lines, which means that anything from a baby monitor to a fridge, anything that emits a radio wave really, could be putting a jolly halt to your browsing. That, plus the sudden influx of relatives sapping your bandwidth, equals a recipe for total disaster this holiday season.

[Broadband] signals travel through air in straight lines, which means that anything from a baby monitor to a fridge…could be putting a jolly halt to your browsing

Suffice to say, there’s not much you can really do about it except get in early, buy a signal booster, or ransom the password for pigs in blankets. It all depends on your level of malevolence, but I know which one I’ll be partaking in. Happy Holidays!c tree

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